Repairing the Bond in Important Relationships: A Dynamic for Personality Maturation

OBJECTIVE: The author sought to establish a common set of interactional dynamics involved in growth-facilitating interpersonal relationships. METHOD: Empirical studies of the three most common dyadic relationships associated with personality growth were reviewed: infant-mother attachment behaviors, the psychotherapeutic alliance, and the marital relationship. RESULTS: Empirical and clinical studies support the conclusion that growth is facilitated when a strong affective bond is established with an important other and the inevitable disruptions of this bond are repaired. CONCLUSIONS: Personality maturation across the lifespan has been attributed to the internalization of admirable qualities of important others. The data surveyed suggest that the interactional dynamics associated with internalization involve establishing a strong affective bond with an important other and repairing this bond’s inevitable ruptures. It is both the rupture and the repair that are crucial.